Eczema

And i scratch till i bleed, actually it's just like opening the seal of my flesh to get the blood out. It's not what i like to do, really, but i don't know how to stop it. The doctor said it's pressure and gave me steroid cream and some medicine, that caused my eyes to get allergy.

And so i thought, am i doing this to myself to get attention from other people? or am i asking for others to pity me? I don't understand. Sometimes i scratch until my hand feels sore. Every time i try to hold them back, stop scratching myself, it will work for a day or two, and i can't stand it when the itch becomes overwhelming, and all the blood seals will be opened again. Dead skin cells and blood on my fingernails and clothes and even my bed sheet.

People tells me, i have to believe that my skin will recover, THEN it will recover, it didn't work, maybe i don't know how to believe. When i'm in the middle of some work, i will even stop everything and concentrate to stop me from scratching.

You know, the part that i hate most in this eczema thing, is when i have to bath, the water hurts me, the shampoo sting my flesh.

I pray, that eczema will leave me alone soon, and i can look back at this blog someday, wearing a short skirt and a smile. :)